藤田花音

　はじめに

〇　私は高校の英語教員。　進路の仕事が長く全国の学校案内を整理するうち、勤務校近くに医療系専門学校設立の案内を見つける。
〇　人には言えない鍼灸とのかかわりがあった私は、その専門学校へ通う決心をする。　４７歳だった。
〇　仕事と夜間の専門学校との両立でフラフラになった。
〇　国家試験に合格し、転勤して半年で鬱状態になり休職した。
〇　体調改善と共に、またリハビリとして、文章を書くうち、自分と鍼灸とのかかわりをどうしても書きたくなった。
〇　５０歳を過ぎ、女の部分が薄れたからか、もういいやと言う気持ちになることができた。
〇　医療専門学校・教育関係・女性の生き方に興味のある方・病気で辛い思いをした方などに読んでいただけると嬉しい。

PREFACE

I’ve been an English teacher at a public high school for a long time.

For the last couple years, I’ve worked at counseling students for their future plans. I was filing brochures from many educational institutions in Japan. Suddenly one of the brochures caught my eyes. It was from the new technical school for (a) bonesetting and (b) aacupuncture and moxibustion. The latter course will be held in evening classess.

In the past , I had a ten years of experience with acupuncture&moxibustion, which I didn’t want to share with others. At the age 47, I wanted to develop some new skills. I now had the time to study new skills because my two children have left home and my husband ,also a teacher, usually comes home late, I decided to enroll in the course as a hobby

However, when I entered the course, I was overwhelmed. The course was more difficult than I expected. The time requirements were more than I (could) cope (with). The teaching positions that I had required many meetings which lasted past 6:00 p.m. However, my evening classes stared at 6:00 p.m.　I realized that I would have to become a class room teacher so that I could gibe of my best to the students and still attend my evening classes.

As a classroom teacher, it was easier for me to arrange my work hours.

In my evening classes, I became a freshman along with the other students That was the beginning of long and winding road for me. When I look back, it was a miracle for me to continue my job as a classroom teacher doing my best and while still attending evening classes and finally passing the national qualification test for acupuncture and moxibustion.

After I received my qualification as a acupuncturist and moxibustionist, I was transferred to a new day school where I began to develop a desire to write about the pros and cons of the new medical tech schools which had been built because of the relaxation of the school establishment rules. Because this school has just opened, there was no historical routines to follow, so the teachers and we students experienced great hardships. After my evening school year ended in March, I finished writing about my medical tech school hardships

　When I started in my new school, I began to encounter difficulties which I had never experienced before in my teaching career. However, the additional stress of this difficulties on top of the stress in starting in a new school forced me to take a sick leave in

September. During September, my depression forced me to just lay down and do nothing.

However, as I began to heal, I watched a little TV and DVD during October. By November I began to use a computer. for writing. As I was writing on the computer,, I began to sense what I really wanted to write about I realized that what I wanted to write about by experiences with Facial Paralysis In my enthusiasm, I wrote 65 pages in 3 days. I found that writing about my experiences which led to my depression had a healing effect on me.

はじめに

第一章　顔面神経麻痺との闘いの日々

一　臨月の発症　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

二　鍼灸との最初の出会い

三　D市での新生活　　　　　　　　　　　　

四　Ａ市での入院

五　再びＤ市で　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

六　復職

七　二言語での子育て　　　　　　　　　　　

八　二人目の出産

九　鍼灸との別れ　　　　　　　　　　　　　

十　本当の職場復帰　

十一　子育てとの両立、そして病気　　　　　

十二　転勤と出会い

第二章　鍼灸学校で学んで見えてきたこと

　一　鍼灸学校への入学　　　　　　　　　　　　

二　想像との大きな違いと記憶力の衰え

　三　苦手だった実技テスト　　　　　　　　　　

四　多忙な日々と夫の協力

　五　東洋医学への目覚め――Ｙ先生との出会い

　六　西洋医学の壁

　七　国家試験の壁　

　八　鍼灸に懸ける――全ての趣味をあきらめて

　九　先生方が辞めていかれる

　十　三年生になって

十一　敵は討てたのか

十二　国家試験に合格して

十三　鍼灸師になるとは

十四　早速の失敗

十五　五月のある日の記憶

十六　国家試験とセンター入試　

十七　休職

十八　これか

あとがき　　
a table of contents

Preface

The first chapter a struggle against Facial Nerve Paralysis

1 Which began during the last month of pregnancy

2 a fateful encounter with acupuncture and moxibustion

3 a new life with a baby in City D

4 hospitalization in City A

5 life in City D again

6 restoration to school

7 raising children in two languages

8 the second pregnancy

9 quitting taking acupuncture treatments

10 busy jobs has come

11 difficulty in both raising children and working / having diseases

12 finding a fateful medical tech school

The second chapter the things which I could find at the medical tech school

1 entering the medical tech school

2 big differences from what I had thought / declining memory capacity

3 difficulty in practical skill tests

4 busy days and my husband’s help

5 awakening at the eastern medicine / meeting Mr. Y

6 barrier to western medicine

7 barrier to the national qualification test

8 studying acupuncture and moxibustion hard

9 some teachers are leaving

10 the last year at the medical tech school

11 avenge or not?

12 after passing the national qualification test

13 what dies becoming acupuncturist mean?

14 mistakes at volunteer place

15 one day in May

16 the national qualification test and the national university exam

17 leave of absence from work

18 From now on

postscript

第一章 顔面神経麻痺との闘いの日々

The first chapter the struggle against Facial Nerve Paralysis
　一　臨月の発症 1

〇　関西で２年教員をし、中部圏の男性と結婚と同時に採用試験に合格し、それからこれまでずっと教員を務めている。
〇　結婚２年目で妊娠し、里帰り出産をする。
〇　気候や環境の変化からか、臨月で顔面神経麻痺を発症。ショックを受ける。

1-1 Facial Nerve Paralysis began during the last month of my pregnancy

After I had taught at a senior high school in City A for two years, I got married and moved to City D as my husband lived there.

In the following year, I had an unplanned pregnancy I was also in charge of a first year class which can be difficult . I wondered if I could cope with my pregnancy in these circumstances . However, I decided to have a baby and on the last day of school my students gave me a bouquet of flowers and some cloth diapers which each student had stitched. This brought tears to my eyes. During my maternity leave, I studied for and got my qualifications to teach Japanese to foreigners. Anyway, many things had happened and I went) back to my parent's house in City B at the end of January, 1988 in order to have my baby.

Although I was born in City A、My parents and I moved to City B when I was twenty. As I was a university student in City C at that time. I had to move to the dormitory at the university . After my graduation from the university, I became a teacher in City A. But I have few memories of City B. as I commuted from City B to City A for two years when I was a teacher in City A. My ninth month o pregnancy was approaching and my baby would soon be born. Japanese custom dictate(d) that I should go to my own parents’ home to have my baby. I didn’t have friends or confidants in City B to share > my difficulties with and my husband was in City D so that he could not help me. Looking back, maybe I shouldn’t have gone back home to have my baby as my mother had to look after her husband’s with

senile dementia which is a strenuous task

Even though　I　was　helping　my　mother　with　her　household duties,　I　still　had　extra　time for myself　　to　take　walks 　in　the　cold　weather for exercise and relaxation. Although I had graduated from my graduate school, my professor and friends were interested in individually writing separate reports on language acquisition and language learning. We were planning to put our individual reports together as one publication. .

My medical problems seem to have begun during the time I was writing the report. A lot of typing had given me a stiff shoulder. One night my right ear began to develop tinnitus. The ringing in my right ear was a new experience and I became anxious for my hearing and

I was afraid to go to sleep but managed to do so.

The next day, I told my mother about the ringing in my right ear and she went to consult the pharmacist. The pharmacist, an elderly lady told my mother that many things could happen during the last month of pregnancy. The only serious illness that I had experienced before was an attack of appendicitis, so my mother and I believed the pharmacist and did nothing about the ringing in my right ear　because we didn’t have a car and we lived so far away from the train station and a taxi ride would have been very expensive. Also, I didn’t feel like going to the hospital because I felt that the ringing was not serious enough, and I didn’t further pursue this cause of this ringing.

However, as the days passed, the ringing became louder and louder and I became concerned. One morning I got up and came downstairs to wash my face. Then I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth and felt water dripping out from the right side of my mouth. I looked into the mirror. The right side of my face was drooping down. . I was so shocked. Something was wrong with my face. I can’t get sick It was the middle of February and baby was due on the 10th of March. I was at a loss of what to do.

〇　かかっていた個人の産科から紹介状が出て、総合病院の神経内科へ廻される。
〇　担当医はマッサージを指示、そのうちよくなると言った。
〇　微弱陣痛で初産は大変長時間の闘いとなった。

As soon as I told my parents about the situation, they were also shocked.

My mother phoned an obstetrician who was assigned to be asked me to

come in immediately which we did .

My mother immediately phoned for an obstetrician. The obstetrician assigned to asked us to come in immediately, which we did

The obstetrician wrote a referral to the department of nerve and internal medicine at the local general hospital.

We immediately went.　 On examining me, he prescribed a "Rub Down Massage" and assured me that my facial paralysis would cure itself in a time.

We believed him. However, on looking back, I should have gotten a second opinion but I was more worried about the baby than my illness.

I believed what he had said as I had never had a serious diseases. I didn’t know the word, ‘ second opinion’. In very cold February, I was more worried about the baby than my illness.
Anyway, I had been rub down massage on my face by myself and I stopped typing. I wished I could have a safe delivery worrying very about Facial Nerve Paralysis.　My ear was still ringing but I believed ‘ In some time , it will be cured.’ I’m expecting the day which my illness be cured.

March had arrived. On the second, I went into labor. I began to wonder if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. In Japan, the 3^rd of March is a girls’ festival day. What should I do if I had my baby on March the 3^rd and the baby was a boy..
On a morning of the third, I was told that it was the time for the delivery. I was told that going into to the labor was very painful, but it was worse than I could have worse I could imagine. My mother was with me rubbing my back and waist. I was experiencing great difficulties. Therefore the nurse brought me the wooden rocking horse to start the delivery. I felt so humiliated at the thought a riding this horse. But I tried it anyway. However, I couldn’t ride a horse , even for a short time because the labor itself was so painful. I had to lie down on the bed.
The nurse said , ”Just relax. Don’t tense up your body.” However, I couldn’t relax as the pain was so intense. It was until after I had my second baby that I understood what the nurse was asking me.. The labor pain was necessary for the birth to take place.

On the fourth, my husband what was told that my delivery had stared came from City D in order to take care of me instead of my mother. We asked the doctor that my husband would be there on the time of delivery. My mother could now take a rest but However , I couldn’t even eat or drink because of the pain.

〇　分娩室で出産が重なり、夫の立会出産はできなくなった。
〇　男児出産の夜、大出血を起こす。

By now it was noon, the labor pains were increasing in intensity. The maternity nurse was encouraging me to breathe like I was told in the delivery breathing lessons as my labor pains were not intense enough to a start a delivery. I received two injections to increase my labor pain’s intensity . I was also given an enema and I felt something huge leaving from my body. My water broke. And the delivery began.

My husband and I went into the delivery room. Although the nurse told me, “ Push. push. ” I didn’t understand what the nurse meant When my husband encourage me to breathe with “ shee,shee, foo”. Them, another pregnant woman was brought into the delivery room. So my husband had to leave. The Doctor cut somewhere near the perineum but I couldn’t feel the cut because my labor pain was much more intense.. The doctor then told me to push again and I tried, I could suddenly hear my baby crying. The nurse then told me “ It’s a boy “.

My delivery had taken two days. When I looked at my baby’s head, it looked pointed to me and his nails were very long. However, the nurse cut them and said “ You took a lot of calcium”.

.”She then put an ID tag marked “Fujita baby” around his arm and took him to the room for new born babies. I wished I could be with him. My husband would see him outside the delivery room.

The obstetrician who delivered my baby went to the other waiting pregnant woman. A different obstetrician came and took care of my afterbirth such as the placenta and other things which were expelled from my body after my baby was delivered. . I was relieved that my baby was born on the 4^th of March and not on the third which is a girl’s festival。 If my baby boy had been born on the 3^rd, I was afraid he would be teased by his friends about being born on a girl’s festival day.

The doctor gave me the local anesthetic where he had stitched the incision which he had cut. Then I realized how painful my labor must have been. I was then taken to my private room, where my husband and my mother were waiting for me. Because my husband had to return to his work, he then left me immediately.

My mother took care of me in my private room. She was very glad that I had a baby boy at last. My mother had two daughters, my sister and I and she was being tormented by her step-mother for not having any sons. As for me, I think that I felt that a boy would be easier to bring up than a girl. Therefore, the birth of a boy brought some relief from my anxiety for me.

“Take a good rest”, said the nurse and I tried to relax, but couldn’t because I felt pain around my stomach. My mother had already fallen asleep on her cot which was beside my bed. I didn’t wake up my mother because I felt she was also tired. At midnight, the night nurse came to check up on me and found that I was bleeding profusely. She looked surprised and said, “ I’ll change your underwear and sheets.” My mother then woke up. I told the nurse that I had a pain around my stomach. However, she said that the doctor was not here at the present time and would return in the morning to see me , I was now afraid that something was wrong and could not sleep the rest of the night.

〇　後産のミスで翌朝もう一度分娩台へ。体力を使いきってしまう。
〇　１週間の入院で実家へ戻る。
〇　もう一度総合病院の神経内科を尋ねると「手遅れ」言われ耳鼻科へ廻される。そこでも「手遅れ」と言われる・

In the morning, as the nurse had informed me, I was taken back to the delivery room where the doctor who had delivered my baby examined me. I was then told that the doctor who had taken over to look after my afterbirth had not completed his work well. “There is still something left.” the doctor told me. A mask was fitted over my nose to administer anesthesia but I didn’t breathe deeply so the gas could not do its work so I experienced much pain until the nurse reminded me to breathe deeply. The doctor removed yesterday’s stitching and removed what had been inadvertently left by the afterbirth doctor. Everything seemed to have been done properly this time. I wondered why I was so unlucky that I had to go through this bad experience. I thought of the olden days in which women lost their lives from their delivery problems. If I had lived in those days, I would have lost my life.

When they took me back to my private room, I was exhausted and looked pale. My mother asked me to eat something but I couldn’t eat anything.　My mother had asked the hospital to make some rice gruel for me to eat. She fed me several spoonfuls of gruel and I felt like a baby although I had just given birth to a baby. Gradually I regained y health due to my mother’s devoted care for me.

Of course, the nurse brought my baby from the new born baby room to me regularly in order that I could nurse him. The baby was so eager to suckle that he made my nipples bleed. When he was still not satisfied,, the nurse would give him some powdered milk.

After one week in a hospital, I was discharged and went back to my parents’ home by taxi. . In the taxi, my mother held the baby who was wearing a white sleeper and my father was with us. At home, my parents took good care of the baby. They were excited and even tried to give him a bath.

Many people came to celebrate the birth and time had passed very quickly for me. It was now the middle of March and I realized my facial paralysis had not improved at all. I began to wonder what the doctor meant when he said “ in some time “ .Even though I was busy taking care of my first baby, I gradually became anxious about the lack of improvement to the right side of my face which was still paralyzed. My mother, however, told me that I should not go outside or use cold water until one month had passed. New development occurred in the latter part of March in that I began to get a ringing in my right ear.

By April, I went to see the doctor at the department nerve and internal medicine, of general hospital again. He watched me for a while and said to me, “ Too late “ I couldn’t believe what he said.

“ One month should be enough to recover from your facial paralysis. It’s taking too long..

I was told that I could go to the otolaryngologist if I wanted to.” I became hopeless. I developed a sense of hopelessness and sat down in the waiting room and began to cry. .

〇　２９歳の私は途方に暮れた。
〇　乳飲み子を抱えどう生きていけばいいのか苦しみの始まりだった。

After making an appointment for the same day with the ear, nose and throat specialist, I went to his office and waited to be called in. IN my examination, I was asked to wrinkle my forehead, close my eyes tightly and puff out my cheeks in front of the doctors and nurses. A young doctor then said to me, “ A month has passed already. This looks like a difficult case”. And then I told them about the ringing in my right ear. The young doctor answered my question by saying “ The nerve may be dying”. I felt a sense of despair welling up within me

I returned home in a daze. .I don’t remember the details about how I got home . I must have taken a taxi but I don’t remember paying him or why I just bought vitamin pills only at the pharmacy.

. When I came home, my parents asked me for the details of what the doctors had told me. I burst into tears and cried loudly for the first time since I was told about my facial paralysis. And blurted out, “ It’s too late I won’ t get better.”. and continued to cry my heart out. My future was bleak.. I felt that I was a 29 year old woman with a distorted face.. I felt that I wanted to die.

I then heard my son crying upstairs. I wondered if he was hungry or needed a change of diapers. I then realized that even if I wanted to die, I couldn’t because I felt a responsibility to bring up my baby boy. My future still looked bleak to me. Just then some guests arrived to congratulate us on a birth of my baby boy, so I had to stop crying and look the part of a happy mother with a new born baby.

Some time later, my uncle and aunt came to see us and again I played the part of a happy mother while they were with us. As soon as my uncle and aunt left, my baby boy began to cry. I went to my son’s crib and picked him up but then immediately put him down again. even though he was still crying and went out. It was spring outside. It was a time for new beginnings. Why had spring left me behind ? .

二　鍼灸との最初の出会い

〇　体育の教師で柔道整復師の資格を持っていた父が知人の鍼灸師の先生に頼んで施術開始。
〇　少し顔に動きが出てくる。
〇　性が変わったから、住むところが変わったから　と　東洋医学的にお話をされる先生は「鍼灸師にならんか。知的な鍼灸師になるで。」と笑顔で言われた。
〇　大学時代の友人で耳鼻科の医師をしている人を思い出し電話するとやはり手遅れでなすすべがないことが判明する。

1-２　My first encounter with acupuncture and moxibustion

My right ear was still ringing and it hurt a lot. Because of the pain in my right ear, I couldn’t sleep well or even sit down. I had to keep moving in order to stand the pain. My father who was a P.E, teacher. suggested that I go to City A to get acupuncture and moxibustion done on me. I decided to go to City A for acupuncture and moxibustion since the ear, nose, and throat specialist could do nothing for me. In City A, I went and met a good –natured 　 practitioner of acupuncture and moxibustion.. I　remember　he　put　a big　moxa　on　the　Gogoku　(LI4-Large　Intestine　Meridian)　and　Hyakue(GV20-Governor　Vessel) and administered some acupuncture .

After about a month had passed, I was able to close my eyes and even drink a little without too much dribbling. Acupuncture and moxibustion were really working. The acupuncturist was a specialist in Oriental Medicine, who in his diagnosis of my physical problems told me that the stress of getting married and moving was changing my destiny according to Oriental medicine. The acupuncturist had done acupuncture and moxibustion for the ringing in my right ear but the treatment was in effective. The pain remained and I had to keep moving in order to stand the pain. During the treatment for my physical problems, he said, “ If you become an acupuncturistt you will become an wise acupuncturist. These words I did not forget.

One day ,I remembered one of my university friends who had become an ear, nose and throat specialist. I telephoned her and her husband answered, Because I knew her husband, I told him about my facial paralysis, and he then told me about the time he had experienced a facial nerve paralysis also which occurred after he sat at the window seat which was open on a train. However, this paralysis recovered with time.. I then realized that there were other cases of facial nerve paralysis.

My friend, the ear, nose and throat specialist then came on the phone and said, “ I haven’t examined you so I cannot comment on your condition. However, generally speaking, a facial nerve paralysis is looked after by an ear, nose and throat specialist. The first doctor who examined you was not the ear, nose and throat specialist and could not diagnosis your problem . She then commented that the sooner I had seen an ear ,nose and throat specialist, the better my chances for full recovery. If the treatment had started within a month, the chances of full recovery would have improved. Usually we use an adrenocortical hormone, but because your were recovering from the effects of a birth would not be administered which would have prevented the nerve from swelling in its sheath and dying You might also have been given a surgical procedure which would have shaved the inside of the sheath to prevent the swelling nerve from touching it.“ I then asked if the selling of the nerve in the sheath was causing my pain. She said that she didn’t know because the adrenocortical hormone is usually administered early enough to prevent the nerve from swelling in the sheath. My friend, even though very busy, patiently answered my questions .. .

〇　できることは気長に鍼灸を続けることのみらしい。
〇　夫が迎えに来たが私は泣き続けていた。

I finally realized that the hospital in City B could not help me　Acupuncture seemed to be the only effective treatment for my facial paralysis。 Unfortunately、 it was ineffective for the ringing in my right ear and　for the pain. The pain in my right ear did not stop until it’s nerve died. From now on, I realized that I needed to have my acupuncture treatment regularly .

It would soon be June. Three months had passed since the baby was born. I began to feel sorry for my parents because they must be very tired because they were looking after my baby..

At las,t the day came when my husband arrived to take our baby and me home in our car to City D. Before getting into the car, I began to cry and cry without stopping. The painful memories of the last three months began flooding into my being.. Here I was a 29 year-old woman with a facial paralysis.

Once I got home to City D, I could not cry like this as my mother in law was taking care of my baby while I went for my daily acupuncture treatment. Today was my last chance to cry my heart out .to my husband. Everyday my husband would return home very late from work, ,very tired, eat supper, and then immediately would fall asleep. Yes, today was the last chance to cry loudly.

. My husband then announced “It’s time to go home.”

三　Ｄ市での新生活

〇　有名な鍼灸の先生のところへ毎日通う生活が始まった。電気を通す鍼が中心だった。
〇　義両親の勧めでもう一度総合病院の耳鼻科で見てもらうが所見はそれまでと同じ「手遅れ」だった。

1-3 A life in City D

We heard that there was a famous acupuncturist near the City D station. Just after we had returned from City B, I had my first acupuncture done there. This acupuncturist would insert four needles at a time. Then he would electrify two needles at a time to make the muscles quiver.

I went to see him almost every day. The public health insurance doesn’t cover acupuncture, so we had to pay the costs ourselves. I was concerned about the cost but my husband encouraged me to continue on with my daily treatment. I could go to my daily treatment as my husbands’ parents took care of my baby boy while I was gone. My return trip from the acupuncuturist took a little more than two hours.

Acupuncture was working so that gradually I was able to close my eyes and mouth together.. However as my acupuncture treatment continued, I gradually develop the ability to close my eyes and mouth independently. However my parents in law still encouraged me to go to the local hospital in City D. Although I didn’t want to go, I did visit the general hospital to please my husband’s parents. The ear, nose and throat specialist administered the same battery of tests which I had experienced previously in the hospital in City B. I received the same diagnosis which I had received before that it was too late for any treatment. When I asked him what I should do next, he couldn’t answer me as he did not really know what to do. Therefore he just said, “Your condition might get better or might get worse. He then suggested that I just take vitamin pills and continued to massage my face. I wondered if vitamins were prescribed to patients whom the doctors could not help. I was surprised that the doctor in the advice he gave me did not mention acupuncture Didn’t they know about the benefits of acupuncture which I was experiencing and did they think acupuncture was useless ? I was desperate so I did not care whether it was western medicine or eastern medicine or a blend of both that was been used to cure my problems as I felt I was really in trouble. I just wanted everyone to work together to help me. I finally realized that the system of medical treatment in this country had not reached a high level of cooperation. When I returned back home by bus with tears in my eyes, I vowed that I would never return to the hospital again. to get help for my facial paralysis and my right ear problems。

四　Ａ市での入院

〇　Ａ市の総合病院麻酔科へ入院。１ヶ月経っても効果はなかった。
〇　医師にも色々な方がおられることを痛感させられる。
〇　看護師の方に「そんなひどい目に会って　子供は一人にしておきよ。」と言っていただくが、強烈な印象として残った。

Ⅰ-4 Hospitalization in City A

Although I had sworn that I would never return to a hospital again , I did. It happened this way. I had returned to my home in City D.. After some time had passed, my husband told me that he had heard of an anesthetist in City A who seemed to have success in treating Facial Nerve Paralysis. At my husband’s suggestion, I called an anesthetist office and spoke with the anesthetist who recommended that I should go to his hospital and try his treatment even though time had passed... In order to go to the City A hospital, I had to take my baby son to my own parents’ home in City B. I then checked myself into the hospital After going through their battery of tests, my treatment began. Three times a day, I got injections on the front of my neck. These injections were called “stellate ganglion block”.

I found that being in the hospital was a depressing experience. In the first place, I did not have much hope that the treatment would be effective and having nothing else to look at but the white hospital room walls was not helpful ,either.　Looking at the photograph of my husband and son made me feel lonely. Every other day I took my breast milk and froze it so that my father could get it .

After my injection treatment had begun, a senior doctor came and assembled the patients in one room. Among the patients, there was a young kindergarten teacher who had lost her hearing in one ear from Sudden Deafness. She had been forced to resigned from her position

I heard that the nerve for hearing runs very close to the facial nerve I also heard that depending on which part of the facial nerve was damaged, some patients lose their sense of tastes I now understood why I had to take the test for my sense of taste at the various hospitals I was admitted to.

I learned so much from the patients who were with me by listening to their experiences in their various hospitals in their search for cure, difficulties, worries which the patients went through in their hospitals. I became more sure that there were some doctors in this country who were emotionally detached from the patients. One discouraging remark that was made to me was “ You are unlucky to suffer from this irritating illness when you are so young”.

academic performance relative to the group average

Because of my vocation as a high school English teacher, I knew that the entrance requirements to a medical school required a high standard deviation value on their entrance exam results. . Therefore, there are many doctors who are intelligent, proficient and empathetic. However, I have experienced being the patient of the cold, detached, irresponsible doctors. They may get a high standard deviation score for entrance to their medical school, but treated me as an object and not as a human being with value and feelings. One such insensitive doctor told me “ How unlucky you are---“ which discouraged me even further. I was then taken back to my private room and received another injection。 I didn’t feel that I was getting better.

During my hospital stay, after receiving an injection, I lost consciousness. When I came to, I saw my husband sitting by my bed. They had called for my husband when I had lost consciousness. He told me that the doctor had told him that I had shouted something loudly but did not tell him what I had shouted due to patient’s confidentiality. I might have shouted “ Such incompetent doctors” .I will never know what I had shouted.

I confided to the doctor who was taking care of me that I wanted to accuse the doctor who took care of me in City B of incompetence. I was advised that it would be unwise to do so and very difficult . He then added that it would be more profitable for me if I considered how I would return to my teaching job with my facial problems which had not been completely healed. I still feel that I should have accused the doctor of incompetence at that time.

During my stay in this hospital in City A, a friendly nurse said to me, “ You had such a terrible experience with your first baby that I would recommend that you would not have another. She meant well by saying what she said but her remark really discouraged me. I was not planning on having another baby but been told not to have any more was a shock to me. By this time, one month had passed and I was not getting any better. The doctor then told me that he could not do any more for me so I was discharged from the hospital and returned to City D.

五　再びＤ市で

〇　再びＤ市で子供を義理の両親に預け鍼灸へ通う日々が始まった。
〇　母親として子育てが楽しかった時でもある。
〇　麻痺を抱えての職場復帰に不安が募った。

1-5 The Life in City D again

１－５　Life in City D again

On my return to City D, I continued my life which I had left behind when I went to City A. My parents again took care of my son when I went for my daily acupuncture treatment. However, when I went shopping at the supermarket, I took my son. When I did my housework, I carried my baby. I was using cloth diapers at that time. The cloth diapers had been sewn for me by my students. Of course, I had to use disposable diapers also, as my baby had loose stools and required frequent changes. I waited patiently for my husband’s return every day to help me take care of our son.

Our son developed very quickly. He was soon rolling over by himself and was standing up by himself if he was holding on to a support. .

. My son began to lick everything that he could grab and bring to his mouth. He especially liked to lick slippers. If I left it near him, he also liked pulling the tissue out of the tissue box until they were empty. He seemed to be very interested in hitting the telephone. Also, if something could be pulled out of a container, box, or drawer, he would find a way to do it. Once I was video taping, my son while he was attempting to walk while he was holding on to a desk. Unfortunately he stumbled and fell, bumping his head on the desk top as he fell . I felt terrible because he bumped his head and was crying piteously.

There came a time when he began to eat rice porridge mixed with vegetables which I had ground into a paste. He would digest this new food well except for pieces of vegetables such as carrots which I had not ground up thoroughly.

I learned so much about a baby’s digestive system and it’s limits from preparing his meals.

If I prepared his meals properly, he had normal stools. If I did not prepare his food properly within the limits of a baby’s digestive system, my son would experience difficulties, such as in expelling bits of indigestible carrots.

However, sometimes he would become constipated and I would help him defecate his hard stools by inserting a cotton swab soaked in baby oil into his anus.

Soon the time came that he did not want me to feed him but wanted to eat his food by himself by holding food in his own hand and attempting to put the food into his mouth

He often succeeded. When he was full and tied of eating, he would begin to play with his food, such as throwing it on the floor. I leaned to spread newspapers under his baby chair to catch the flying food

My relatives and friends sent my son new clothes such as pajamas and jumpers when he was born and on his birthdays. I made it a routine to take my son’s photo wearing his new clothes and inserting it in my son’s photo album which I was making. I had also made it a routine to wait for my husband to come home by walking around while holding around my son.

The thought of being with my son whom I loved for full year under the child care leave system filled me with happiness. That night I fell asleep contented and happy. However, I woke up at midnight and saw myself in the mirror. My face was no longer symmetrical 。 My mouth could not make an ‘O’ shape easily. I had to depend more on my left side of my mouth to talk or drink. I became miserable when I began to think of the problems which I would have in teaching the pronunciation of words in English in my classes. I began to wonder if I could even continue being a teacher of English in a high school.

> I was shocked at the face that I saw in the mirror and thought to myself , ”How ugly!” and began to cry and I might of wished that I was dead. I was devastated as I felt I was all alone as my husband was sound asleep and oblivious to my despair which made me feel even worse.

> As for face problems, it is difficult to answer when people ask about it. Even though I understood they say from their goodwill, it was impossible for me to say,” Look at my face.” As a result, I tried to deceive people that I would recover it and tell about the other story. The more I tried, the more I felt alone. And then I could share my bitterness only with my husband.

My step mother told me that I could recover well in the end of the year. Because we lived on the second floor of wooden apartment, we were afraid of our son’s falling down from the stairs. Our parents encouraged us to buy the house and we looked for and found the second hand house. It was not so far away from our parent’s house and didn’t cost so high as it was a little noisy because it was close to Shinkansen, the super express train. Therefore we could buy it.

In the beginning of the next year, se moved there. Of course, we took out a house loan. I was afraid that I would go back to the school with my face, but after we made a loan, I decided that I would go back to the school with this face. That was my decision.

There were some farmers around the new house. My son began to walk before the age one. My son and I had had a good time during a child care leave which would end on his one-year birthday.

〇　顔の病気のデリケートさに気づくうち人には決して言わなくなっていった。
〇　鍼灸が功を奏したのか、かなり回復し、家も購入、借金をして職場復帰を誓った。

The thought of being with my son whom I loved for full year under the child care leave system filled me with happiness. That night I fell asleep contented and happy. However, I woke up at midnight and saw myself in the mirror. My face was no longer symmetrical My mouth could not make an ‘O’ shape. easily. I had to depend more on my left side of my mouth to talk or drink. I became miserable when I began to think of the problems which I would have in teaching the pronunciation of words in English in my classes. I began to wonder if I could even continue being a teacher of English in a high school.

I was shocked at the face that I saw in the mirror and thought to myself , ”How ugly!” and began to cry and I might of wished that I was dead. I was devastated as I felt I was all alone as my husband was sound asleep and oblivious to my despair which made me feel even worse.

As for my challenge in my life, it used to be difficult for me to answer their queries of “How are you feeling now? Are you OK? ” Because I knew that my facial paralysis would not heal and disappear, I didn’t feel like telling others about my disappointment. I was putting on a social mask when I met my friends to hide the reality that some of the symptoms still remains. And I didn’t want them to look closely at my face. As a result, I tried to steer the topic of conversation to another topic away from me and divert it to a less stressful area. This deceiving my friends with my “all is well” social mask was very tiring for me and I wish I could tell the real story. However, the more I deceived my friends, the more lonelier I became and isolated as I could not share my pain Finally I reached the stage where I could only share my loneliness and pain with my husband. Even my mother in law continued to think that I should be fully recovered by the end of the school year. and I never correct her about my reality.

We lived on the second floor of an old apartment in which the stair case was attached to the outside of the building. Because our son was almost one year old and walking unsteadily, we were afraid that he would fall down the stair case inadvertently.

Because my parents had the same concern about our son falling down the stair case, they encouraged us to buy our own house. We finally decided to buy our own house and we did although it was a resale. The house we bought was not far from my parent’s home and was a little noisy as it was located close to a super express Shinkansen line so that the sale price had been reduced so we could afford to buy it .

At last, after the new year, we moved into our new home. However, I did have a concern in that my husband and I had to take out a mortgage to pay for our new home. Therefore, I decided to go back to my former job as an English teacher to help pay off the mortgage when my child care leave expired. I was anxious about my facial paralysis which I knew would never be completely healed.

Countryside around our home had a rural atmosphere with it’s rice paddies. My son would walk around our home in his bare feet. It was a carefree and idyllic existence which lasted until he was one year old.

六　復職

〇　息子が１歳の誕生日に食復復帰。人があまり人の顔を見ないことを改めて知る。
〇　生徒のあてられるのが嫌で下を向く習性を利用する。　本当は情けなかったが、仕方なかった。
〇　３年生を卒業させることができ充実した時ともなった。

1-6 Restoration

My child care leave having expired, I returned to the school to begin my teaching. I commuted to the school by car even though it took one hour to get to the school through the heavy traffic. I was fearful of the reaction of my fellow teachers when they saw me and realized that I had not fully recovered from my facial paralysis. At first glance, unless they looked carefully, they would not notice that my face was still distorted. However, the head of the English department looked surprised when he looked at me. Most of the other teachers did not seem to notice as we don’t scan another person’s face in detail.

In my English classes, which is a foreign language for the students,

it would have been better if they looked at my face and mouth when I

was speaking in English. I felt it would have been natural for the

students to look at my mouth when I was teaching but the Japanese

students tend to suppress this desire to look at me while I speak in English as they fear that I will pick them to answer a question.

Therefore ,they keep their faces buried in the textbooks. I didn’t do it but I should have encouraged my students to look up at me and watch me and try to pronounce the English words while I was teaching them. However, I may have been thankful that they did not look at me and see my facial paralysis .

During my graduate study days, I took the language acquisition studies. In it、 I was taught how to make the sounds 　found in spoken in English which are not found in spoken Japanese.

However, because of my facial paralysis, I was concerned if I could reproduce the proper English sound for the students to copy. However, I was concerned over nothing because the students learned and nothing catastrophic happened.

> During my graduate study days, I took the language acquisition studies. In it、 I was taught how to make the sounds 　found in spoken in English which are not found in spoken Japanese.

> However, because of my facial paralysis, I was concerned if I could reproduce the proper English sound for the students to copy. However, I was concerned over nothing because the students learned and nothing catastrophic happened.

七　二言語での子育て

〇　大学院時代の専門は「言語獲得」「言語習得」だったので子供には時間を決めて２言語で話しかけた。
〇　日本語と英語を獲得、習得していくわが子。
〇　遠距離にあるバイリンガルスクールへ小学校から通うことになった。

１－７　Giving my son two languages

As I wrote before, I majored in language acquisition and learning as a graduate student.

I even studied in the United States for a school year to improve my spoken English. I shed blood and tears to learn the English language. I now developed a strong desire to have my son become fluently bilingual in both Japanese and English.

My facial nerve paralysis had damaged my confidence in my ability to teach my son proper English. How could I help my son become fluently bilingual when I had lost my confidence to enable my son to do so.. But I could not give up I dream for my son? However, for my son whom I loved, I was determined to do my best.

I began by making a rule for myself to make separate times to speak in English and separate times to speak in Japanese. I used both English and Japanese videos to get him used to hearing both. English and Japanese. I began to a bit concerned as his first birthday approached as he was now walking but still had not said one word. I was so concerned that I had a consultation with a local health nurse. She told me to relax as my son was understanding what people said and would speak in due time. His first word to me was “mama” as we lay on our bed, I was thrilled, “He called me mama” From the next day on, he said more and more words in English such as “apple” when he saw an apple. This was a surprising development for me. From then on, he said many words in both Japanese and English.

2011 6 11 済

When I returned to the school to teach , my son had to attend the nursery school as I could not look after him during the day. During the time of his pre-school days, he had many childhood illnesses with accompanying fevers. Once he had to be hospitalized for such an illness. My son loves sports but because of his frequent illnesses we encouraged him to take up activities which would build up his health such as swimming, and piano.

As the time for my son to enter grade one drew near, we discovered the existence of a bilingual school. My husband and I discussed the pros and cons of going to a bilingual school. Also the bilingual school was located an hour and half from our home.. I was for the school. My husband was impressed by the computers and computer programs and the open concept of the school. But my husband’s parents were against going to the school because of the distance. My son was for the new school as it involved taking a train and a bus and he loved riding in both. It was finally decided that my son would be allowed to attend to go to the bilingual school . However, my husband went with my son on practice runs to get to used to trains and buses. My grandparents accompanied my son to the train station every morning and went to meet him at the station on his return. 2011 6 12 済

We finally located a suitable bilingual school. Unfortunately it took an hour and half to get to it from our home. It took two train rides and a bus ride to get to it. Fortunately we found a Canadian volunteer to accompany my son to and from the school. The volunteer stayed with my husband’s parents for the month while he accompanied my son to and from his school After the month, my son commuted to the school by himself.

Five years passed an uneventfully. Then within six years, he achieved his practical English test at the second grade level.

His junior high education began. With it came new challenges to meet and overcome.

For example, my son had his heart set on belonging to the school soccer club when he entered junior high. However, because it took two hours to commute to the school and two hours to return home, the school soccer club frequently ended too late. I therefore suggested that he attend the swimming school instead nearer a home.. However, my flatly refused. He only wanted to do what he had set his heart on doing which was joining the school soccer club. I then realized how difficult it was to talk logically with a boy just entering adolescence and at the rebellious stage in his young life.

〇　勉強と部活に行き詰った息子は１３歳でＮＺへ留学したまま、日本へは帰ってこなかった。
〇　働けば永住権が取れる息子に夢を持つ母でもあった。

For many days,, my husband reasoned with our son to come up with a feasible, alternative goal. My son finally decided to join the school track and field club. However, my son still frequently l arrive home late .because of the bus scheduling. We had not foreseen this difficulty　when we accepted his alternative plan.

When my son was in the second grade of his junior high, he began to look tired and school grade was slipping. I run across a member of the city government who knew a person from NZ who was looking for some Japanese students to attend a public high school l in NZ. The school was especially looking for some Japanese male students as they did not have any in their high school at the present time. Another sales point was that the school was located near the mountain which was similar to Mt. Fuji.

My family all went to the information night for NZ high school. On returning home, I asked him “ Why don’t you go there for a year if you are finding it difficult to do both studies and sports at your present school?”

He was 13 years old and decided to go to NZ for a year but he never came back.

He so enjoyed his new dormitory life with lots of sports. There were unpleasant times

which we found out about later in which he was teased or bullied

He graduated successfully. At present time, he is university student . When he graduates, he will gain the right of becoming a permanent resident if he works.

He will then have the right to bring his parents to NZ.

I often feel sorry for my son because he may feel that he is responsible for his mother becoming ill because of his difficult birth.

八　二人目の出産

〇　Ａ市の看護師さんからいただいた「子供は一人」に産み分け方の本を読破し挑戦した私。　功を奏したかどうか、女の子を授かった。
〇　鍼灸施術をしていただきながらの安産だった。

Ⅰ－8　The second baby

　　As I wrote previously, in a hospital in City A, the nurse had suggested to me that one child was more than enough for me because it brought much suffering to me from the resulting illness. I understood her good motivation for suggesting this to me. Even though I understood what she meant, I resented what she said because I did not wish to be beaten by my destiny. I clearly sensed my husband desire to have a baby girl even though he never said one word about it.

I was soon transferred to a school near our home. However, I still wanted to fulfill my husband’s desire to have a baby girl and I didn’t know how to do it. I needed to research and find this information. The local bookstores did not have this information. My chance to go to a large book store with extensive information came when I was invited to a wedding in City C. On the way to the city of City C, there is a large bookstore in the city of city A. I had to get off at City A anyway to change trains and I had the time to rush to the large bookstore to get the information I was looking for. I began to read this information as soon as I got on the connecting train for City C. I finish reading this material before I got home after the wedding. I don’t know if the information I read was accurate or not, but we had the second child and it was a baby girl.

For the birth of my second child , I didn’t return to my own parent’s home because my son was now attending his nursery school. I did not wish to interrupt his developing nursery school experience.

Like my previous birth experience, I continued to have my weekly acupuncture treatment . Because I still had my facial paralysis, I began to develop a fear that this second pregnancy would make my facial paralysis worse and that I might develop my serious illness again.

One cold morning in February, when I went to the washroom , I saw some signs of the beginning of labor and therefore called the hospital. Although the hospital told me to come right away, I ate my breakfast first. The reason was that for my first birth experience, the signs of the beginning of labor were much stronger. When my husband and I got to the hospital, I was examined by the doctor。 The doctor said that the birth of the baby had not proceeded far enough for his involvement yet. The doctor advised me to start exercising by climbing the stairs by the elevators slowly one by one. Soon my labor pains increased in intensity so I returned to my bed. My husband began to read the newspaper and seemed to be oblivious of my pain and rising anxiety which angered me because I felt ignored by my husband. I vented my feelings to my husband who apologized and began to massage my entire back He explained his actions by saying that the first baby had taken so long to be born that therefore there was no need to hurry for this second birth.

Soon my labor pain increased tremendously and the nurse finished giving me my enema. The maternity nurse checked that my water had broken. Soon my husband and I were taken to the labor room. For my husband to enter this room, he had taken the father’s course. The nurse encouraged me on by saying ,” This is the second time for you. Try to do a natural birth this time by not cutting perineum”. However the male doctor came in and cut my perineum. The nurse looked very sad but I understood that the doctor wanted to avoid any complications. Soon my baby came out into this world. Someone announced, “ The baby girl”. I immediately asked,” Is she all right?” “She is fine”. came the reply. . Four of us had a happy conversation about the successful birth. The nurse washed my baby girl and wrapped her in a baby blanket. I began to talk to my new born baby girl. “ Hello! We’re going to be together for a long time, just like I did for my son.”. Before being taken to the new born baby’s room, a wrist band with “ Fujita baby” on it was fastened to the baby’s wrist .

My husband was impressed by the entire procedure and took a video. The nurse showed us the placenta. Because my baby girl was born on a weekday at noontime during regular day time hospital hours, hospital charges were at a minimal.

〇　女の子の子育ては着せる楽しみがあって喜びも大きかった。
〇　この子にも２言語での子育てを試みた。
〇　女性の生き方には多様性がありこの子も私もこの社会の中で傷ついて行った。

I was told that if I rested for 8 hours。　 I should be strong enough to go see my new born baby. I felt that I was waiting forever for the eight hours to pass. At last the time came that I could go see the baby. The nurse in charge of the new born babies handed me my new born child. After the nurse handed me my new born baby、 I breast fed her and then changed her diapers. Compared to my son’ s breast feeding strength, my daughter’s was relatively weaker. Also, she did not consume as much as her brother at one time. Therefore she woke up more frequently. However, I got used to her sleeping patterns of my second baby.

At the hospital in my room, there were three mothers including me. One young woman in the nest bed to mine had received a Caesarean operation and therefore had a sandbag on her abdomen . She could not have a normal birth so her doctor had to use the Caesarean method. Her husband really wanted to have a boy but now they had two girls instead. The doctor advised them not to try for the third time to have a baby boy. Because it would endanger his wife’s .health. The third mother was a nurse at this hospital. I asked her ,” Won’t you embarrassed to having to deliver your baby in front of your colleagues?” She replies,” Oh, yes, I was embarrassed but also relieved at the same time.” Personally I felt I was fortunate to be delivering my baby at this hospital because a nurse who worked here had chosen to have her delivery here in this hospital. This nurse just had stayed for two days in stead of the usual up to 7 days stay. I also left the hospital early in 4 days is stead of the usual up to the 7 days. because my recovery was so well. After my discharge from the hospital, my husband’s parents took care of my baby and I. Later on, my own parents came to City D. My mother took care of my new born daughter and my father took care of my son. 　　

After the birth of my second baby, I continued my weekly acupuncture treatment. The acupuncturist was very glad to hear that my second birth was a more pleasant experience..

It was so enjoyable for me to dress up a baby girl in various types of colorful cloths like a doll.. Compared with a boy’s clothing, girls attire were so colorful and varied. She looked like a dress-up doll. My husband loved to lie down and place the baby girl on his stomach and carry on a conversation with her. When my baby was one year old. I had to return to school. My mother--in law offered to take care of my second child so she never had to attend a nursery school.

My second baby attended a bilingual school and so she was educated in two languages like her older brother. Although my daughter became proficient enough to pass the second grade of the practical English Test , she did not pursue further studies in English. Therefore, she attended the high school near our home in City D. This decision was partially determined by the fear of some of us who remembered that my son never returned home after attending a bilingual high school and then continuing his studies in NZ.

As she had experienced going abroad to study in various countries during her summers, I encouraged her to go abroad to do some studies. However, she refused and wanted to remain in Japan. She had come to realize that a girl is a girl anywhere in the world and there was no perfect countries anywhere. I could not say anything to refute what she had just told me. Later I discovered that she was experiencing social difficulties in her school.

九　鍼灸との別れ

〇　長男小３、長女年長の夏に家族でお世話になったカナダ人のお宅にホームステイをする。　その飛行機の中でお世話になった鍼灸の先生にお礼と
　　お別れの手紙を書く。
〇　長女がバイリンガルへ入ると家計がそれまで以上に苦しく、鍼灸を続けることが難しくなってきていた。

1-9 Farewell to acupuncture

When our son was 8 years old and in the3rd grade and our daughter was just 5 years old and about to enter elementary school , we went to Canada and stayed at the home of the Canadian person who had commuted with my son to his school until he got used to it.

I have always liked traveling to English-speaking countries, especially when I was single. However, getting married and having children prevented me from continuing my travels. However, this Canadian person encouraged us to come to Canada for a visit.. We decided to go. While our plane was flying through the clouds, my daughter excitedly said to me, “ We stop. We stop.” Looking out the window and flying through the clouds, I saw the same illusion. To my daughter I said , “ Yes, it does seems that we stop. However, we are flying very fast.” I thought to myself , “ How observant children are!”

During the flight, I wrote a thank you card to the acupuncturist . I wrote something like “ Thank you so much for your treatments. Almost ten years have now passed. I have improved and recovered a lot. I would like to continue my treatment with you, but my daughter will be attending an expensive bilingual school so that I may not be able to afford further treatments. Again I would like to thank you for your treatments.” I think I wrote something like this. Mentally I had become much stronger I now felt that I could cope with work without further treatments. However, deep within me, I think I felt that I would really like to continue my acupuncture treatment until all my facial paralysis symptoms were gone..

We reached the Toronto – Pearson airport safely. We wanted to have , if possible, an English speaking home-stay experience The children enjoyed the Canadian national exhibition’s amusement parks the most. My husband and I would have preferred a wider English speaking experience for the children in which they interacted with others using English to fulfill our vision for an home-stay in a foreign country.

十　本当の職場復帰

〇　娘が小学校へ上がると、「特進コース」の朝早い授業や放課後の授業などそれまで以上に多忙を極めるようになって行った。
〇　入試制度を調べるうちに教育とは何かという大きな問題が自分の中でそれまで以上に芽生えて行った。
〇　海外に目を向ければ、違う教育の仕組みもあることを研修などを通して知って行った。

1-10 Real return- to-work

After my daughter graduated from kindergarten and went to an elementary school, I received new assignments at school. I was given the “0” period and 7^th period for the special class. This period class began at 7:30 and went to 8:10 in the morning. Of course, the 7^th period 50 minutes class was held after the rest of the school had finished for the day at the end of the 6^th period. This class was mainly looked after by the math and English teachers. We taught the students the methodology for getting the high score on the Center test to get into a national university.

For the students who wanted to get a high score on their Center test, our school had a summer study camp at a resort which we rented from a company. At the summer camp, the students were taught about the purpose of the center test and what they had to do in order to get a high a score as possible.

I began to question the validity of these center test and its purposes. I could see the ranking table of T-score (deviation value ) at our school. But these scores didn’t come from the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology. These T-scores came instead from the cram schools who are preparing their students to get a high a score as possible on their university entrance examinations.

The more I knew the system, the more doubts I began to feel about the testing system. The reasons being , the universities independently of each other set the subjects for the center tests which had to be taken by the prospective students for their universities to enter their chosen university.

On the day of the test, the students will begin to write the center test. However, the students then immediately transferred their choice to the center test score sheet. The school then took their data and then sent them to the chosen cram schools to make the nationwide comparing data bank which was sent back to their school in a few days.

From the results which were sent back to the school, a student could calculate what were his chances for getting into his chosen university. If the acceptance level of university is too high for the students, they can try to find one with a lower acceptance level. However, some students will not change his choice, even if acceptance level is too high for the student. They will try repeatedly to raise their achievement score instead.

2011 7 12 済み

The Center test is held only once a year. If one misses the test or wants to improve the score, he must wait another year. If a student feels that he did well on the center test, he will apply to write the entrance examination for a national university. The private universities and some national universities use alternate methods for choosing their students. For example, a national university may ask for a student center test results but would consider using interviews and essays in their selection criteria. A private university, however, seems to depend more on interviews and students’ essays which stay consider to be good tests to indicate the aptitude of their prospective students to succeed in their universities, However, generally speaking, the national universities tend to depend on the center test while the private universities appear to be using interviews and students’ essays to determine if a prospective student has the necessary aptitudes to succeed in their universities.

I began to wonder about the procedures use in other countries for their promotional systems. I was asked by the prefecture to examine the promotional and advancement systems in other countries. I chose New Zealand. After making appointments by e-mail to meet with various school personnel from primary to university levels , I went to New Zealand to personally examine, experience, and discuss with the school officials about my observations in their various school. In New Zealand, there is the NCEA certification systems which are set by the national board of education in cooperation with students’ local school. During the student’s high school period, the student begins his certification process to pass the NCEA levels which is done yearly from then on. When the student applies to enter a university, he uses the NCEA scores to show his academic abilities.

However, 　The Japanese system is different. I’ll illustrate these differences by writing about the educational path taken by two different male students.

〇　ある生徒の思い出　有名私大　地方国立

However, 　Japanese system is different. I’ll illustrate differences by writing about the educational path taken by two different male students.

Both students took a trial tests along with the rest of the students. When they saw the results of the posted scores, they felt the academic standards of their school were too low for them to enter their chosen universities. They both began to attend cram schools to improve the chances to get a good score on the center test, because they felt that they would never get the necessary educational level to go to their chosen universities if they depended on their own school. One of the two students left the school and we don’t know what happened to him educationally. The other student continued to attend the school even joining the reading club although he never attended one meeting as he attended his cram school instead until late in the evening. He chose not to attend any school event including school excursions which most students look forward to. He would attend cram school instead. Even when the students were provided with supervised free time to play their favorite sports together, the student that we are following the educational path of , would stand by himself away from the others and would practice memorizing his cram school’s lists of English words.

He got a B ranking on the practical test which he took at the College of Economy. However, when he took the Center test, he failed, but he graduated from high school. He took the following year off school to study at the local cram school in order to raise his center test scores to a high enough level so that it would be accepted for entry to the College of Economy at the local university or by Waseda university which is a prestigious private university. The student came back to his school to let the school know that he had been accepted at both Waseda university and also College of Economy at the local university.. Because few teachers liked him and he belonged to my reading club although he didn’t attend one session, I chatted with him. The principle then came and invited us into his office. He then said “ Congratulations. I’m very proud of you.” An angry feeling began to well up within me. I felt that this student had not been asset to the school when he was enrolled here. As this student left, his parting words were, “ I’m going to Waseda.” I felt frustrated by the educational systems for entrance examinations and the Center test.

十一　子育てとの両立、そして病気

〇　遠距離通学の子供を支えてくれた義理の両親
〇　子育てと仕事に翻弄されていく日々
〇　帰りの遅い夫を許せず、日本の社会システムまで憎むようになっていった私。

〇　文化祭と海外研修

1-11 Difficulties I encountered as a full time teacher and being a full time mother

and becoming ill again

It became my task to take our two children to my parents’ home and pick them up and bring them home after my work. I couldn’t depend on my husband to even pick up the children as he usually didn’t get home until 8:00 oclock. or much later.

This daily routine soon grated on me and a resentful feeling began to develop within me which gave me a negative outlook on this Japanese man-oriented society. For one thing, my husband was working too long and making life difficult for me and my children which created an unhappy atmosphere for our family.. When I was a young adult, I had experienced living with a happy American family and wanted this American system for ourselves but couldn’t see how this could come about.

In my opinion, my husband was spending too much time on his work to the detriment of our family and seemed to work too long. I don’t think that people noticed that I still had the remaining remnants of my facial paralysis symptoms. The right side of my face usually trembled when I closed my eyes and I still heard soft ringing in my right ear. I didn’t tell anybody what was happening to anybody except to my husband. However, he would usually come home so late that he would immediately eat supper and want to fall asleep so that I did not really feel understood when I told him my concerns as he was too tired.

Because of our difficult situation and seeing no solution, I became very frustrated. The children must have sensed my stress from my outbursts in which I may throw things. I felt sorry for the children as we did not have a peaceful atmosphere in our family.

Time passed. For one year, I was in charge of the second year class. Unfortunately the second year class could be troublesome in that they would ignore their teachers. However in my English class, most of the second year students were willing to listen to me and enjoy the class as I always tried to do my best to make my class enjoyable. I was young enough at that time to do this.

During the school year, we had festivals in which we were placed in charge of the some games or some dutiy. The girl who was good at English and was also good at painting, so she was assigned the task of making a sign board. She spent a lot of time on making this sign for our class and I tried not to show my surprise when I saw her finished sign. She had painted me with showing my symptoms of my facial paralysis. She had painted me with a contorted face and mouth. I was shocked but I tried not to show it as we had a warm teacher student relationship She was a good student who was constantly watching as I taught. 　However, there were some students in my class that understood how this painting could hurt my feeling and felt sorry for me.

. Therefore I thanked them for their efforts, “Well done. it’s getting late.. Go back home quickly.”

I don’t remember if after getting home, I told my husband about this incident. When the day of festival came, my husband and two children came to my class When I saw them laughing in my classroom, I sensed a feeling loneliness welling up within me as I realized that nobody would never understand how my illness was affecting in my life.

When I was the head teacher in the English department, the principal’s told me to make a overseas study plan. I called the English departmental meeting of the English teachers to discuss the implementation of the principle’s order. The other English teachers voiced their opposition to the principle’s plan because of the heavy study loads of the students and the teachers work load making it impossible for the teachers to take on another project. I reported the English departmental meeting results to the principal. He then said to me, “ I didn’t tell you to discuss my plan with the others. I just told you to do it.” I realized that this task was too much for me and I consulted. I realized this task was too much for me and I consulted others who had experienced and also those who would be involved in Australia to help formulate the itinerary. The plan was formulated. The consultations were done with those who would approved the itinerary. The information meetings were held with the students who were interested and the parents. The trip was on. I led them to Australia.

〇　２０0１年８月の海外研修　(テロの前　
〇　成功鬱
〇　声帯結節手術

It was now August 2011. The Australia trip was now a few months ago. Fortunately these trips were held before September 2011. I will never forget the date September 2011 because that was the day that all international air traffic was halted.as the terrorists had attacked the twin towers in New York. If our Australia field trip had been planed for a few weeks later, it would have been cancelled as all international air traffic was halted. My daughter’s home stay which was planed in America which was planed for October was cancelled.

About this time, when I took my yearly physical check up, they discovered that I had a stomach ulcer. And I was beginning to experience shoulder and back aches. 7 29済み

Around this time, during my annual physical check up, in which we all had to drink a barium solution and stand in front of a gastro camera, my stomach ulcer was discovered.. .

My back and shoulders were also beginning to ache. The drug I was given healed the ulser. so I stopped taking the drug. However, as time passed, perhaps only a few months, the ulcer reoccurred. I consulted the hospital physician who ran a series of tests from which he concluded that I was overstressed. However、I felt overwhelmed with so many things to do and I did not know how to lighten my work load so I began to feel that I should quit my job. I felt that the main cause of my stress which was my facial nerve paralysis which would never be cured.

During the time I had my second ulcer, it became more difficult for me to speak loud enough in my classes Previously, before I had my second ulcer, I did experience times in which I could not speak loudly enough in my classes. There were times of improvement such as during the term tests. I therefore went to see the ear, nose and throat specialist near my home. However, he did not have a good reputation. When I saw him the last time, he had prescribed an inhaler which did not help me. This time I was afraid he might zero in on my facial paralysis. However, the doctor did not seem to notice my illness. These difficulties had occurred on and off for about two years. Because two years had passed now and I did not seem to be getting better, he announced that he would check my throat. When he did, he found nodules on my vocal chords so he referred me to the department of nerve and internal medicine at the local general hospital. I felt that the two years that I had spent with the ear, nose and throat specialist was a waste of time. Why did he not check my vocal chords at the beginning when I first saw him?　Anyway I did go to the general hospital’s department of internal medicine. I had the surgery which removed the nodules from my vocal chords during the summer. The surgeon was very famous for his surgical skills and for his impatience with patients if they did not respond immediately to him. He knew about my facial paralysis but he did not pursue it as he felt that it had no bearing on the nodules on my vocal chords.

〇　手術成功、しかし再びのポリープ
〇　夫への憎しみ　そしてカウンセリング　
〇　夫の変化

After my surgery, I was instructed not to speak for one month to let my vocal chords heal.

Therefore I communicated what I wanted to say on paper .

My second semester began and I soon began experience difficulties in speaking again so I went to the hospital to have my vocal chords checked. The surgeon soon discovered a polyp which could develop into a nodule. The polyp was surgically removed for me without being admitted into the hospital

During the second semester, I had a polyp after I spoke in my class. After that, I had to go to the hospital monthly for three years to have my vocal chords examined. It was really difficult to find the time to go for my monthly appointment as I was teaching full time..

I led my students on their overseas Australian field trip and we all returned safely. After I returned I became rather fatigued and did not feel like doing anything. I also found I could not fall asleep easily although I was very tired, even though I would eventually fall into a fitful sleep .

My husband’s late returns from work really got to me and I felt a resentment welling up within me even though I knew that his work was demanding on him. However, I managed to continue working in the second semester.

. But my husband encouraged me to go to see a psychiatrist. Fortunately a female psychiatrist ware presently at our school presenting a seminar on the topic of mental health of the students to the teachers. She showed us that the students at our school ware being taught physical health. However, the students were in dire need of a mental health program which they were not getting. I really agreed with what she said. I finally agreed with my husband’s suggestions. I went to the hospital where the female psychiatrist who came to our school was working and I became her patient.

I was surprised when I was told by my psychiatrist that my depression was caused by my highly successful Australian field trip. This successful field trip had over tired me because I had to put in an inordinate amount of effort which had exhausted me emotionally and physically. Her monthly counseling sessions seemed to be effective and I began to recover.

My husband was also asked to attend a session with me, after which his behavior began to change so that he would come back home a little earlier and began to help me with some housework.

十二　転勤と出会い

〇　遠くの進学高　か　近くの実業高校か
〇　学校設定科目への挑戦
〇　医療系専門学校設立のお知らせ　　鍼灸学科は夜間
〇　かたき打ち？

1-12 My transfer to another and my duties

Ten years had passed since I came to my present school which is near my home. Therefore, the principle told me I would be transferred to a school whose students were eager to go to universities . However, this school was far from my home. My husband disagreed with a transfer to this school because of my illnesses which would make a long commute to stressful for me. I understood and agreed with what my husband had said. and shared this concern would the principal and requested a transfer closer to my home. A transfer came true to a school closer to my home. It was a business school in which there were many good students and some unique teachers..

As soon as I met the principle at the new school, he gave me a new order to create and teach a TOEIC business English class. which the school did not have at the present time.

I ask myself why I was given this assignment I wanted to be a normal English language teacher in the school. Besides that I did not have any training in creating, and teaching a TOEIC business English class.. However, the principle knew me because he and I were fellow teachers in a previous school. I would start to research what is involved in teaching a TOEIC class. He realized that I loved to research ways of teaching students so that they would want to learn and understand and would apply what we had studied together, I as a teacher, they as the willing students who wished to learn , understand, and use what they were learning

I succeeded. The classes were successful. The students learned and understood as 　I had succeeded. The classes were successful. The students learned and understood as they were highly motivated in their desire to succeed in a difficult study. I managed to control my stress level during my anxiety level I experienced during my first year in starting up this new class.

Why did I have to do these non- curricular tasks, such as an Australian field trip or starting up the new TOIEC class? For both these projects I felt I did not have the sufficient knowledge or experience which created severe stresses for me. One strong point in my favor was that I had a greater interest in researching than in teaching. Why did the principal pressure me to do this projects over the objections of the other teachers? However, because of my deep interest in research which helped me make up for my deficiencies in knowledge and experiences. I did succeed in carrying out both projects successfully. However, it was at a great cost to me and it resulted in a depressive condition within me..

Here I was, a successful 47 year old teacher who had succeeded in all the difficult assigned projects which delighted the principal but here I was still desperately unhappy and resentful at my life.

The TOEIC class was so successful so that the principal told me to teach other teachers how to be a TOEIC teacher. Other TOEIC classes were opened. I was now ready for another change in my teaching career. During my illness which created a great stress for me, I had found relief in my weekly acupuncture treatments. I like researching. I began to wonder why acupuncture was providing such relief for me. About this time, a new college opened near by. which taught acupuncture in the evening. I wanted to attend. I could not attend as long as I was a head teacher of the English department because of the extra duties and meetings for which I was responsible. The only way I could attend the evening classes of the new acupuncture college was to resign my headship of the English department so that I would have the time for myself to attend the new college’s evening classes. I resigned my headship. I wanted to be a homeroom teacher because it had fewer evening obligations.

The hours for the evening classes for the new technical school were from 6:00 p.m. to 9:10 p.m. The first acupuncturist who treated me for my Facial Nerve Paralysis uttered these words like a prophet, “ You will make a superior, intellectual acupuncturist.” to me. I was surprised and pessimistic at his prophesy. However, the acupuncture’ s treatments alleviated some of the symptoms of my Facial Nerve Paralysis whereas the medical treatment at the hospital were ineffective. Why were the needles of the acupuncturist effective? It did not cure my illness but there were effective enough to allow me to return to my job as an English teacher.. The hospital could mot alleviate any of my symptoms. I wondered why the medical profession and the acupuncturist could not cooperate with each other to treat me. I wanted to have all those suffering from Facial Nerve Paralysis to have hope for the future and to be pain free like me . After some twenty years had passed, an urge began to well up within me to help those who were still suffering from their illnesses and had given up any hope on getting an effective treatments like I had experienced. I now had the hope for finding a way of extinguishing all my symptoms of my Facial Nerve Paralysis by attending the new technical college.

第二章 鍼灸学校で学んで見えてきたこと

What I could realize through learning at the school of acupuncture and moxibustio

　一　鍼灸学校への入学

〇　２００７年４月の入学
〇　３時間１０分の闘いの始まり

２－１ The acceptance in the school of acupuncture and moxibustion ( moxa cautery ) and my experiences

The entrance ceremony for the school was held on the first Sunday in 2007. Everything was a new experience. As is the Japanese custom for the entrance ceremony at a school, the homeroom teacher would call out the name of each new student individually who would stand, face the principal and bow. The student would then sit down. The homeroom teacher would then call on the name of the next new student who would then stand , face the principal, bow and then sit down. This process was followed until every new student had been introduced to the principal. I thought of the entrance ceremonies in which I was involved in which I was the homeroom teacher who was calling out the names of the new students who would had entered our high school. And here I was, in a role reversal, in which I was the student whose name was called and who stood up and bowed towards the principal. I felt a strange feeling welling up within me which I could not explain at that time. 2011 8 16 済

It must have been caused by my nervousness at finding myself in this role reversal situation. However, this new night school life was not as difficult as I imagined it could be.

My children were no longer living at home. They were continuing their studies in other locations .My duties as a homemaker and a mother were now irrelevant . I now had the freedom to expand my horizons .I could now travel the world if I wished to. I realized that “ I got what it takes” to do anything I wanted to do and I would do my best. I would face the challenge . I would go into unknown areas where I had never gone before, even with my

menopause.

I had various new experiences when I began my evening classes at the school of Acupuncture and Moxibustion ( Moxa Cautery ). For example, the school had a large empty parking lot since My classes were held in the evening. However, the students were not allowed to use it. Therefore, I had to rent a parking space at the parking lot which was about a fifteen minute walk from the school.

At the opening ceremony, we had our photos taken and then we were sent to our assigned classrooms to get our textbooks. The covers on the textbooks really caught my attention. The covers were white and the lettering on the covers were blood red and blue. One textbook had the title “ANATOMY” which caught me by surprise. The reason was that I was recovering from my illness when I had applied and did not thoroughly investigate the curriculum for the studies in acupuncture and moxa cautery. Therefore when I first saw the title “ANATOMY” on the textbook, I thought that it must be a minor add-on. It turned out to be a major difficult part of the curriculum for the studies in acupuncture and moxa cautery and “PHYSIOLOGY”. This was another disappointment for me.

2-2 The difference between what I had expected and what I have to do and my difficulties in memorizing the materials for the courses

I had believed that the courses would be based on the study of eastern medicine in which I had a great interest. Then I found out that half the course would be on western medicine in which I had little interest and would find it difficult. The school time table was then distributed. The evening classes were divided into two sections. The first session began at 6:00 pm. and ended at 7:30 pm. The second session began at 7:40 pm and ended at 9:10. pm The classes were to begin the next day. If my evening studies had not become interesting for me, I would have given up because of the discouraging, insurmountable difficulties which began to develop.

二　想像との大きな違いと記憶力の衰え

〇　新１年生の担任
〇　解剖学・生理学・臨床医学に泣かされた日々
〇　覚えることができなくなっていた私の頭

As a student in the evening class, I had to study new materials which I found difficulties in retaining. During the day, I was a full time homeroom teacher looking after a freshman class. I don’t know how I managed to cope with the situation, but I did make it at the expense of my health.

In order to keep up with all of the work which I had been assigned, I had to be very careful in scheduling my clerical tasks, and keeping enough time open for the students during the school day. If I did not finish all of my clerical work during the school week which ran from Monday to Friday, I would have to go into the school to finish my paper work on Saturday or Sunday or on both days.

The studies of western medicine were comprised of topics such as anatomy, physiology, general statement of clinical medicine, detailed discussions of clinical medicine and pathology.

I found these western medicines topics difficult for me as I did not study the basic background for these topics in high school. I also only studied chemistry for my university entrance exams which was some thirty years ago. The reasons for my difficulties were caused by the school going through a period of flux, a transitional period of changing curricula, regulatory rules which dictated what we had to study in class which did not match the new requirements for the new school which was just open and which I was now attending.

I was in the first class of this new acupuncture and moxa cautery class which was still in the transitional stages. We had to depend on our teachers.

We 21 students followed what the teachers were teaching as our sole guide for our studies.

As for anatomy, we had to learn the detailed names of all the parts of the human skeleton as well as the muscles, tendons, joints and their functions. We had to learn this in the time allotted in the school time table. This seemed to become an impossible task for the teachers and students and many students dropped out of the class. I began to question my own ability to absorb and memorize the requirements of this anatomy course.

It seemed hard for the school to ask the teachers to come, the teacher who taught us anatomy quit the school at last. We were at a loss s because there was no anatomy teacher for a while. At the end of the year, the female teacher came from Tokyo who graduate from acupuncture teaching course gave us a lot of material using computer.

I still didn’t realize how difficult anatomy was for me, the more I learned, the more there were unfamiliar words increasing. Ieven didn’t have time to study before and after the class.

〇　つぼの暗記
〇　東洋医学の謎

As for introduction to acupuncture pathway, the teacher gave us the test for us every week to memorize acupoints beginning from Lung meridian. It was so difficult for me to memorize something. I realized I was getting old as I entered the school at the age of 48. Although western medicine was so difficult, eastern medicine seemed like mystery for me. Only introduction to acupuncture pathway was easy for me how to learn—just memorize a lot of acupoints. There are 12 +2 pathways on the human body and each pathway has many fixed acupoints. We have to memorize those acupoins in order and write down in kanji, Chinese characters It was clear for me what to do but so hard to do. I often thought I should give up. From the beginning, I thought I quit the school if it’s hard to continue. One day, I found the rhyming game of acupoints on th internet. It is a kind of pun which are rhythm words including acupoints in order. I memorized this pun , pronounced acupoints and wrote down those points. It took time, but I ‘ve experienced the small tests are very useful for the students I noticed that thick text book didn’t tell which acupoint works which illness or pains. A asked Mr. Y about that question, and he answered that it depended on the acupuncuturist. It made me oriental medicine more mysterious.

三　苦手だった実技テスト

〇　興味深い東洋医学という学問
〇　鍼も灸も実技室で苦労を重ねる
〇　実技テストの困難さ

２－３　The difficulties I encountered in my practical tests

The more I learned about oriental medicines and practical acupuncture, the more I became interested in them and wanted to study more.

In one class, an interesting incident occurred which I shall now describe. One young student loudly told the teacher “ I got a stiff neck in my sleep last night. Could you do something for me?” The teacher replied, “ I should not do this in the class.” But he raised her arm and then inserted an acupuncture needle somewhere on the back of her hand. The student then said, “ The pain is gone.” and she began turning her head back and forth. We students were astounded at seeing this apparent, miraculous cure. The teacher did not tell us in any details of where he inserted the needle. I wanted to know where the acupoint was located as I have had many experiences with a stiff neck with it’s associated pain. I researched my textbook for this information about the name of the acupoint associated with a stiff neck. It’s name was ‘ Rakchin”. After I found the name and location of “ Rakchin”, I could heal myself or prevent the occurrence of the stiff neck.

I also suffered from the occasional back pains, so I researched the textbook again to lean the location of the name of the accupoint associated with back pains. It’s name was “Itchu” “Itchu” is located behind the knee. I now knew the location of “Itcyu” and began to administer the acupuncture needle into “Itcyu” daily before going to bed.

There seemed to be three parts in the course which I found it difficult to master. This was due to the reality that I had to thoroughly understand what the teacher was teaching and then for the second part, memorize accurately what I had understood. For the third part, in order to pass the course, I had to demonstrate to the instructor with the practical application that I had learned the lessens such as by inserting acupuncture needles in the accupoints correctly or making some moxibations.

Attending this evening course of acupuncture and moxibation was much more difficult than I had expected. Having a dual role as a teacher during the day and as a student in the evening school was very stressful. There were also two major tests during the evening course year. We had to get 60% at least to pass the course. Although I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the evening classes and fleeting thoughts about quitting were coming to me, I still wanted to become an acupuncturist as I found my acupuncture treatment helpful in my life.

What I found was the most difficult task for me were the practical skills tests. I also was having difficulties in making accurately good moxibustions. I had to make moxibations in two sizes. One had to be the size of a grain of rice. The second moxibation size had to be the size of a half of a grain of rice. These moxibations were placed on a wooden plate or on a specially treated piece of paper. In the acupuncture course, after we had leaned the pathway names and also the names of the acupoints, we had to recite from memory for the teacher, the pathway names and loations and also the names and the location of each acupoint.

〇　実技テストの方法　
〇　涙の練習

Oriental medicine believes that the body has many 12+2 pathways in and on the human body, each pathway has a distinctive seemingly long name which was composed of which organ the pathway begins at and where it goes and how it affects the human body.

For the practical tests, we had to demonstrate our knowledge of these pathways, their names and acupoints. For the practical test, when it was my turn to demonstrate my skill and knowledge, I would pick up a chopstick on which was inscribed a number. The chopstick which I had picked up had a number “5” on it. The teacher would then come down to the fifth sheet in his hands. Then he would pull out the fifth sheet and show it to my partner and I. I had to read the Chinese kanji characters to the teacher. and then describe the pathway and where it is located. I was given 5 minutes to answer the question requirements. The teacher used the timer. I had to say “　Ashixanri (ST36)　which belongs to The Stomach Meridian of Foot and then I explained the same things for Goukoku(L14) .“ After that, I had to insert the needles in the correct acupoints of my partner. Inserting the needles is more complicated than I had expected. I had to use the correct angle for insertion and the correct depth. For the practical test, I had to look like a professional, therefore, I wore a meticulously ironed lab coat and demonstrated that I could follow the procedures for sterilizing my hands and the skin of the area where the needles would be inserted..

Whenever I heard the teacher announced a practical skill test, I would feel like crying. Paper tests were also difficult for me, however, they had the advantage in that I could correct the mistakes later. when I read my test. But I could not do this in the skill tests. Anyhow I had to practice intensely in order to pass the practical tests.

四　多忙な日々と夫の協力

〇　去っていく級友
〇　仕事の厳しさと勉強の辛さ
〇　家事を全て引き受けてくれた夫
〇　初めての赤点

2-4 My feelings of getting overwhelmed and how my husband helped me

I was now in my second year in the evening classes of the school of acupuncture and moxibation. I did not feel like quitting even though several students had done so. I just wanted to learn, even if I fail the National Qualification tests. There were still many difficult things for me to understand and learn, but I now had a sense of wonder and pleasure in exploring intricacies of the human bodies.

My night classes were difficult and could be stressful, but enjoyable. My day classes were also stressful and had several difficult students in it which damaged my enjoyment of teaching the class. I also had to go on school trips with them which could be a stressful experience for me. I was becoming overwhelmed by my work load and duties for my day classes in which I taught and was responsible for, but also the incredible effort that I had to expend in order to understand and learn all that was been taught in the night classes.

On weekends I had to catch up with the work that I did not have the time to do during my regular days.

The rest of the weekend, I was too tired to study , therefore, I lay down on the bed and read the textbook and notebooks.

Our two children left home already and my husband did the every housework. He woke me up , put some food in my mouth in the morning, and we, each, drove to the work. I ate lunch which he made. Just before the night school, I ate the rice ball that he made and drank vegetable juice. I came home around at 9:40 by car. and he prepared some light food for me. Sometimes I was so exhausted that I could not move, but I took a bath and tried to go to bed before 12:00 for tomorrow’s work.

Although I would have a grudge about my husband’s overwork and we often had quarrels,

I realized he understood how regrettable I was because I had facial paralysis. Even so, in this situation, it was hard for me to find time for me to study.

The more I examined the national tests, the more I figured out it was impossible. In the morning,, there are 80questions about western medicine and in the afternoon, also 80questions about oriental medicine including ten questions about acupuncture and ten questions about moxibution. Everything was the four alternative and we can pass the test if we get more than 60%.. When we have the low score about acupuncture and moxibution, we might fail. But we don’t know how many points we should get. Gradually the questions became difficult. I made it a rule to concentrate on the class which I could only study well and to obey what the teacher said because I could not take the national test if I failed the practical test at school and to memorize what the teacher told so. Until the end of the week. I tried to figured out which part I was studying looking over the table of contents. I tried hard, but I could not do everything I wanted.

In the second semester, I failed in the skill test about moxibution. I handed in the paper which had grid of 100 and I put some moxa and lit them without any hole before I took the second test. Smoking of moxa in my room made me crying and having a runny nose

Luckily I passed the test, I am still poor at moxibution

五　東洋医学への目覚め――Ｙ先生との出会い

〇　東洋医学を教えてくださった全盲のＹ先生
〇　五行の色体表のなぞ　

5-5 Awakening to the Oriental medicine Encounter with Mr. Y

Mr.Y was in charge of both classes of Introduction to Oriental Medicine and Introduction of Acupunture Pathways. He said he was in his 50’s who was high and looked handsome.

He came from far away vy train with his seeing eye dog. He was profound blindness. His computer had everything our textbooks and he made each of us read aloud with his listening to the computer. There were several difficult words for us to read. It depended on our Japanese abilities, but some of the Chinese characters were totally unfamiliar with us which were from China.

In May, we had about one week holiday, so –called, Golden-Week. I was made to take the students to go to Canada which was an exchange program for about ten days. Although as for night school, we had also a lot of holidays and I didn’t skip so many classes, I couldn’t understand the five elements of the body color (the five elements of traditional Chinese philosophy: wood, fire, earth, metal and water ) which I skipped. Especially 5 sounds. Because 5 sounds were written in Chinese characters, I could not imagine that sounds had the color. When I became the 3^rd year and studied about the e national test, I figured out what the teacher and the textbook said.

As I had been a teacher for a long time, I knew well about small tests would work well according to the syllabus.

Mr.Y would often say “ If Iiwere a famous acupuncture who had a line of people who had acupuncture done by me, I would not come here now as a teacher, which made us laugh. I learned. One day, I asked him why he wanted to become an acupuncturist and then he naturally answered that he knew he would lose his sight. He said he would try to cure his illness with a big thick Chines acupuncture with his friends who had the same illness, but in vain.. I wondered how much struggle he had had before he lost his sight.

It was hard for me to memorize acupoints and to understand Introduction to Oriental Medicine, but I had to study because Mr.Y taught us like he could see. All I had to do was make efforts.

When I was the second year, I happen to come to school early and saw Mt.Y let his dog give off the excrement. In that moment , I was taken aback to see that he held the excrement by himself and throw them into the plastic bag and felt the ground if the things left. Mt. Y had been always with his Seeing Eye dog However, I didn’t realize there are many rules which we had animals with us.

Many of the students were busy studying and working, therefore, I didn’t tell this happening to anybody. Through Mr.Y, I learned not to complain to anything.

六　西洋医学の壁

〇　　理科の基礎のない私に容赦なく降りかかった「解剖」「生理」「臨床医学」
〇　　学校の在り方
〇　　国家試験

2-6 Difficulty in western medicine

“Anatomy” which I thought some supplement was a real textbook that I had to learn.

It was like a big wall before me along with “physiology”, “general statement of clinical medicine”, “ detailed discussions of clinical medicine”

When I was a first and second year, some doctors taught us those classes. They ware so smart and those classes were too difficult for me to understand. When I was a high school student about 30 years ago, I studied chemistry for the entrance exam. with humanistic classes. Because I didn’t have the basic of biology, I felt as if the teachers spoke in the other languages.

As my job was a senior high teacher, I knew sell about Japanese entrance exams. The deviation value of medical school is so high. Because I wanted to be an acupuncturist, about half of the classes were about western medicine. By declining birth rate, medical tech school which was founded recently can be applied for anybody if one could pay for money. There was a big gap between the doctors and the students.

Of course, there were very smart students who couldn’t go because there was no such a school near here. They could understand the doctor’s classes well, but like me there were some students who could not understand the subjects well.

After I began to examine the national qualification tests , I figured out those western medicine subjects are the must as well as oriental medicine subjects. I always said to myself, “The sooner, the better, if I quit.” In fact, 13 students among 21 could bear for the three years. Some quit by themselves, but some could not pass the school tests

What had supported me for the last three years? Since I had had some questions about the educational systems in this country, I thought I had do manage to do this new problems for me. Anyhow I had to live in this system.

七　国家試験の壁

〇　国家試験を調べて震えあがる
〇　絶対落ちると思っていた国家試験

２－７ Difficulty in the national qualification exam

I knew that we had to take the national qualification exam to be an acupuncturist when I entered night school. However, I didn7t realized how hard it was because if I could not follow the classes, I decided to quit the night school.

I n May when I was in the first year, I had to be absent from school, because I had to lead some students to Australia. There was holidays week, therefore I didn’t skip so many classes because there wasn’t many classes at the night school itself. Anyhow I had to be absent two or three days and the things of the oriental medicine which I didn’t learn became my weak points. I heard that those were important points for the national tests.

I applied for the site which mailed one suspected question with the national tests everyday in May, However, I cannot answer or even understand which part I was asked.

Because I’ve been an English teacher, I got used to the alternative tests, I understood how much labor they made the tests and how difficult we students made an right answers.

It is useless to be impatient about the tests, because I had to work every day and even to go to night school was not easy. I often went to work on Saturday and Sunday because I could not finish some of them or the club activity work which was the language club and there were some speech contests or other activities. It was difficult for me to find the time to study and time had passed like an arrow. Even in the summer, because there was a lot of work and night school, I could not study or even take a rest well.

In September, we had the first term exam. I don7t remember how I prepared and took them. There was nothing on the desk except the ID card and pencils. At that time there was not alternative type tests. Even though I could pass all subjects, I was not glad at all because the tests were easy compared with the national tests and I felt it was impossible for me to understand some subjects.

I had felt the same feelings about the school tests and the national tests for three years and with that feeling I took the national tests. When I took the trial exam at night school in November, I could not figure out how many subjects there were in the national tests. It took a time for me to memorize and understand. I t was in January that I could figure out the table of the contents in the tests.

〇　国家試験合格のためには
〇　最後は健康でいること
　

I bought the textbook of the past national qualification tests when I was in the second year because the teacher took the similar type of the tests in the term tests. However, I could not touch any pages because I didn’t have time. When I look back, it was too much work for me. I was so exhausted in the weekends because work and study were beyond my capacity, therefore I lay down and sleep in order to survive.

Even after I passed the national qualification tests, I didn’t think that I could understand all subjects. If I had time, I could study more about the subjects.

I didn’t know why I could pass the national tests. All I did was to try to attend the class and understand the contents during the class, and watch the teacher said and did. According to my work, I was good at collecting information, but I felt the more I collect the information, the less I have talent. Everyday I thought both that I should quit . and that I should continue one more day.

How can we pass the national qualification tests? It is difficult for me to say something.

The basic is the class and to collect a lot of information which then we choose the useful one.

The more than that is to keep healthy.

After the tests in the second semester in my first year, I had a high fever because I was so tired. After that I had acupuncture done once a week at the place where was attached to night school. The acupuncturist was very kind and helped me with my study sometime during the treatment. Before the national tests, I often had acupuncture done at that place in case I was too tired to take the test. I’m frozen to think about those very busy three years.

八　鍼灸に懸ける――全ての趣味をあきらめて

〇　子育てに一区切り　趣味に生きていた私が　選んだもの　それは鍼灸だった
〇　教師だけは捨てられなかった私

3-8 Try to do my best in study in acupuncture and moxibustion

- Giving up everything I wanted to try

At the senior high school which I went to, there were so many students who really wanted to go to university, therefore almost all of the students studied for the entrance exams. I didn’t have the special talent or ability, but I was good at each subject in some way ,and I was poor at math and science in some way. I was not the type who left company after marriage In order to live, I decided I became a teacher. Luckily, I passed City C university.

My grandfather and my father was a teacher. My father was a senior high school P. E. teacher and who had 8dan in judo. He has also a qualification of bonesetter. My mother had the same qualification and she works as a bonesetter at our house. I remember that many people visit her place to be cured.. I felt she was married. I would not or could not.. Anyhow I would become a teacher.

I decided to take All licenses I could get such as elementary, junior high- English, senior-English, school for special needs. In City C I met a lot of foreigners and came to like English. I learned language learning and language acquisition at the graduate school After university, I attended night school for English in order to improver listening, speaking, reading and writing. I got the TOEFL score to go overseas and had stayed in America for a year.

It was 25 years old that I became a senior high school teacher. I got married at the age of 27. I got 2 children . There were facial paralysis in the first pregnancy , vocal nodulu strained back and so on. I felt I gave up the western medicine and I went to the oriental medicine.

As for work, I was made to go overseas whit some students after I became 40 years old. I really wanted to have some skills besides English as a communication tools. I began to practice guitar, electronic organ and yoga in order to take back last ten years for my child raising. I was just in menopause My husband knew me well or watched me to do. When I said that I would go to acupuncture school at night, he just said that you should take dare.

The more the acupuncture school was difficult, the more I gave up my hobbies one by one. Because I could not find time. I was afraid of giving up a teacher because of our economy and being myself, therefore in some way I tried to do my best in study in acupuncture and moxibustion ,giving up everything I wanted to try

Soon I became the third year.

九　先生方が辞めていかれる

〇　２１名の級友と先生方
〇　１３名になった級友　
〇　やめて行かれる先生方

1-9 Some teachers leaving school

It might be difficult to open and make up the new school for both teachers and students.

Because I’ve worked as a teacher for a long time, I realized some features of the school. However, although I used to attend special school for English, I did not know what would happen at the acupuncture school at night.

After we entered the school, we met 21classmatesand also some teachers who were in charge of our classes. The teacher who taught us Anatomy left school because he could not keep hid condition well. Some of our friends also left school in some reasons.

In the second year the teacher who taught us physiology also left school because of her health condition. When we became the 3^rd year, there were 13 students left.

This is the special medical school, isn’t it? In order to pass the national qualification test, the students expect a good classes and the teachers made us study hard. If anyone try to do but cannot pass the test, he or she just fails, without making some reports in stead of the test. It is objective to have the multiple choice questions for the students. However, I knew that it is hard for the students to collect one answer because I have made the same type of questions in my English tests. Tests differs from who will make for whom.. I realized it was so hard for me to pass the qualification test for three years. Because of this thought, it made me study little by little and went through the test.

I think the students who just enter the school should watch the qualification and they should have purpose .If they have a lot of free time, and young enough to memorize, it might not be necessary. However, busy students like me should figure out the contents of the tests and could pass the 60% of the tests. I feel that there was not so much difference between the students who left school and I myself. A little courage and continual efforts are prerequisite.

十　三年生になって

〇　３年の授業の厳しさ
〇　小テストと暗証の日々
〇　４択との闘い

２－１０　　The third year

When we became the third year, there were 13 students left among 21 students who entered this school .

As for anatomy, I could not understand well and not memorize many important things. As for physiology, we haven’t finished the half of the textbook because the teacher was ill.

As for General statement of clinical medicine and Detailed discussions of clinical medicine, I felt like listening to foreign music. That was the situation when I became the third year.

I was also afraid of studying the oriental medicine, but I was already taught what I had to memorize and do. The biggest problem was for me was that I could pass the practical skill test at school because I was awkward at moxibustion. If I failed in the skill tests of acupuncture and moxibustion, the school would not admit I could take the nathinal qualification tests.

The woman who had taught anatomy began to teach General statement of clinical medicine and Detailed discussions of clinical medicine. The man who graduated from special teaching course came to teach us physiology from Kanagawa. Those two teaches gave us very fast and understandable classes and many small tests. I was so exhausted in order to follow their classes and tests. but I tried.

When I looked back. I really appreciate many teachers. Although the school had many difficulties in order to found the systems, they gave us a lot of useful classes and information for us.

Anyway there were many tests at night school. However, I’ve done the same kind of thing for my students for a long time. I realized if we need to understand and memorize something in a certain time, tests are the best way to use time wisely.

In the second semester at night school , we were given the real national qualification tests for the last 17years, and were required to answer the question and explain why the other three were wrong . It took a long time to study for explanation. I also had to practice the skill tests When the chief teacher saw me exhausted, she told me that all I need is to survive.

As a teacher, I was in charge of the third grade and half of the class wanted to get a job and the other half wanted to go to universities, colleges and so on. Most of the students were cheerful and I could enjoy many things with them. However, because of the economy, I had to work even during summer holidays in order to find them the jobs.

〇　実技の実践
〇　職場での忙しさ
〇　国家試験と生徒さんの卒業式

In the practical skill class, we, the teachers made us the students examine each other and I felt that this class was almost over. Then suddenly we were told that we would take the final exams in November because of the application deadline of national qualification tests

I did not have time to prepare the tests because I was busy working for the school event and

A student guidance. I failed two subjects in less than one or two points. As for skill test, I failed in acupuncture which I felt I could pass. When we fail in one subject, we must pay two thousand yen at the office. In this time I had to pay 6 thousand yen. I don7t remember how I managed to study and pass those three tests. Anyhow I could apply for the national qualification tests.

At my work place, most of the students who want to get a job luckily got the unofficial decision for their job. However, some of them had to change their course because they failed in the entrance exam of the company. Most of the students who wanted to go to universities or other schools could pass the tests. There were a few students who were planning to take the center test in January the nest year. I was happy being a good class.

The new year had come and we students were still given a lot of questions every night and at last the had come. Our national qualification tests was held on February 28^th Sunday.

We took the test in Nagoya It took one hour to go there by Shinkansen, Super Express Train from City D. Therefore the teacher booked our hotel before the test and we stayed one night. After I finished the test in the morning, I asked Me. Z copy my test with my answer. And also after the afternoon test I asked Mr. Z the same thing. I should have done by myself but I could not eat the box lunch which Mr. Y brought for us because I studied during noon time. I felt I was exhausted and I could not do anything.

The day after tomorrow, we would have the time correct our answer and know what points we got. But as a teacher, I would have the graduation ceremony for my students and on that night, we, the teachers would have farewell party , For the last three years, it was difficult for me to attend those parties, so I asked Mr. Z check my answer sheet and then he permitted.

However, on that night, my husband and I knew the answer on the internet and checked ourselves. I too more than 70% I got enough points for the specialty question of acupuncture and moxibution If I made a big mistakes, I would pass the test. I was so glad to call the teachers. After that, I began to prepare for the gradation ceremony . I wanted to say good-by to the students wearing kimono and hakama, Jaoanerse traditional clothes.

After the ceremony, I would give each of them certificate of graduation and many parents took the pictures. The 39students made some groups and each group sang a song for me. I myself sang a song for them at laso.

十一　敵は打てたのか

〇　国家試験の合格発表まで
〇　国家試験に合格したことの意味は

2-11 Did I avenge on the illness?

The publication of the national qualification test was March 26^th. Until then, at my work place, I was again busy preparing tests and many papers. However, at night school, we can enjoy special lecture by several famous acupuncturists. And we, 13 students graduated from this night school on March 13^th. And among them , 9students passed the national qualification tests. I could pass the test.,

Although I could pass the national qualification test, did I avenge on the illness, facial nerve paralysis? Just after I entered school, I had found there was many problems with stomach meridian which had many acupuncture points. Many Japanese people who don’t know acupuncture and moxbustion know ST36 ((tomach Meridian 36 )-Ashi no Sanri which belongs to Stomach Meridian. It is famous that Matuo Bsyou, the famous writer of haiku had moxbusion done on this acupoint when he was tired of walking. And this point is also very good for stomach problems. I myself had stomach ulcer.. The acupoint shich facial nerve comes out is called TE17 (Triple Energizer Meridian 17)- Eifu.

I had learned so many things which was beyond my understanding and mememorization. However, I felt I could understand why I became facial nerve paralysis and then why I could not recover from it. And also, why acupuunture and moxbustion worked I was able to understand which acupoints the acupuncturist in City A used at that time.

My medical history of facial nerve paralysis and my son are the same age, 23 years old. Because I’m 52 years old , 23/52 is very long. And it is never completely cured.

That the reason why I entered the night school and tryied to pass the national qualification tests.

十二　国家試験に合格して

〇　土曜日のボランティア　　鍼灸院の実際
〇　鍼灸学校の思い出を文章で残す

2-12 After passing the national qualification tests

I really could pass the 18^th national qualification of acupuncture and moxbution .

I was also in charge of the classes fro the three years as ateacher. I had been a student at night school for three years. Just after the qualification tests, I could see my students graduated from high school. There were many miracles and then I was transferred and I’m still busy working.

There is the treatment place attached to the night school. I was permitted to do volunteer on Saturday morning at that place. First of all, I cleaned up the place. And then I just followed my senior acupuncturist and imitated everything, such as how to speak and listen to the patient , choose acupoints have the acupuncture done, and so on. For me those things are very important to learn and imitate just like when we study language.

Little by little I want to read the classics and watch various DVDs of many acupuncturists. It take a long time for me to have my acupuncture done but I want to continue to fight the illness.

　十三　鍼灸師になるとは

〇　国家試験に合格してもできないこと・合格しないとできないこと
〇　癌を患う両親への施術
〇　本当の鍼灸師を目指して

2-13 Becoming an acupuncturist?

Even if we pass the national qualification tests, it is difficult to have acupuncture done on the patients properly without experiences. If we fail in the tests, we cannot do anything. Because I could pass the tests, I wish I could do soothing as an acupuncturist,　　At first, I will heal my body which worked so hard last three years and so tired. And I will have my parents acupuncture done.

My father had the operation for liver cancer two years ago, and then had the treatment of catheter twice. After that, the doctor told us that they could not do anything for him. His legs became very swollen and after I had acupuncture done on his legs, they became close to normal. I wish he would live peacefully.

My mother also had the operation for the breast cancer after she had nursed my father. After that, she got many times of radiotherapy. As my senior acupuncturist told me that it is good to have acupuncture done on the scar or around the scar, I tried to do so and her flesh became soft and color (reddish).

If we can choose the right answer among four, we cannot become an acupuncturist. We need to listen to what the patient says , have the good practical skill, and sympathy .with them. We also need to have business knowledge in order to live with them. And should be healthy physically and mentally. Am I going to be an acupuncturist some day?

十四　早速の失敗

〇　鍼灸院での失敗
〇　落ち込んではいられない

2-14 A mistake at once

After several holidays finished in May, I was busy working.

And the director of the treatment place attached to the acupuncture school asked me to roll the mox and pu it on the head of the needle, which I was poor ad even though I did it for my parents during holidays. My hand trembled with extreme tension,

I tried many times to finish the job. I appreciate the director to give me that opportunity.

I was ashamed that I didn’t prepare for the skill which the director told me.

There was a big difference between what I had learned in the class and what I have to do on the Patient’s body. The director had put the needles on the patient’s body、all I had to do was to put the moxa on the needle. It was hard fro me and tried many time saying ‘Help me.’ In my heart. I realized that a am an only acupuncture

Who had just passed the national qualification tests.

Because I‘ve lived for a long time, I knew that it was useless for me to be depressed. I had acupuncture my body done by me friend to keep up my health condition. This failure reminded me Mr.Z who gave me a lot of moxibustion homework. I practiced a lot at that time . This time I needed to train myself, so I practice a lot on my legs. I might have not done well but the patient might come. I felt I could not be professional, but I decided to follow the weak myself.

十五　五月のある日の記録

〇　はり師・きゅう師の免許状
〇　実父の誕生日

2-15

Record on one day in May

Today is May 18^th. One month had passed since I began to record some memories for the last three years.

May 21^st would be my father’s birthday and he would be 83 years old. My

Mother was 74 years old. I’m afraid to say that thy would live and survive until I got the

national qualification. I got certificates two days ago. This is my treasure. I want to

put each of them into the frames. I would like to praise myself, “ You did g great job”.

I really appreciate being now, people helping me, my husband doing all housework.

I wish I could be a good acupuncturist. It would be a long way to reach.

十六　国家試験とセンター入試

〇　センター試験の意味
〇　教員として疑問に思ってきたこと

２－１６

I was transferred to general course of senior after business course and I had to think about measures to treat the center tests for the students. Almost all the students want to go to universities. I had to face and read data and academic performance relative to the group average from some big private cramming school..

Why do the senior high students have to take many trial examinations and try to find the school of the students choice from that data in Japan? After we decided to have the unification tests once a year, the score of academic performance relative to the group average is the basic when they think about which university they apply for.

The test score in January had not opened for a long time, and recently we can know the results in May if we want and pay a little bit. Japanese school year begins in April and ends in March. Therefore, even if we can know the results in May, we cannot use the real tests in September or March. That ‘s why the students who take a center tests in January checks the number which he or she chooses and the next day they do self marking and hand in the results and also the faculty of university to some big private cramming school

I myself finished university exam before this system had begun. Therefore, I had not thought about the four alternative before I became an teacher. However, Once I became an English teacher, I needed to make the tests and very often use the multiple choice questions.

I had to learn how to use the mark card reader which handled the job rapidly. It might be suitable for the student’s understanding to understand many kinds of English in a very short time as a test. Therefore, it is difficult for the teachers how to make good four alternative questions If the students can choose two among four easily, but cannot decide one, that would be a good question . It takes a time to make good multiple choice questions.

So called, Mark Brain can be existed.

Apparently, it’s fair. And it is natural that the students who have studied hard can get high score of that tests. But it is not necessary irreverent to the type of description test. More than that, it might be very different from interview test or communication test. It is often said that Japanese universities are hard to enter but easy to graduate.

These days, university students try to take some qualifications or experience some kind of jobs because of bad economy. I heard even though they are absent of many days for bob hunting, they can graduate in many universities. Why? After I became a teacher, I’ve ha wondered why for a long time. Although I have had

十七　休職

〇　新しい職場での試練
〇　休むことと書くこと

十八　これから

〇　今後の鍼灸
〇　今後の自分

18 From now on

Now acupuncture is used in various fields, such as sports, beauty, pain removal because of injury or getting old, pain removal after cancer operation, treatment of sterility, easy birth delivery, shoulder ache, back ache, knee ache and so on. There are still people whom the western medicine cannot help just like me.

I wondered what I can do from now on. For some years I must work as a teacher because I need money for education for my children and so on. However, I can continue to study acupuncture in some way.

As my history, I wish I could help some women who have problems, such as pain removal of getting old, keeping beauty, treatment of sterility, easy birth delivery,. In the future, I would go to Australia or NZ and try acupuncture because my son is there.